troubled

I keep thinking that my life’s going to change or do SOMETHING……but nothing’s happening, I still dream of ha…fairytales (well, just something wonderful and out of this world)…even I’m laughing wryly at that idea.  If I feel left out, it’s entirely my fault. I don’t feel “lost” exactly, but my life has no specific directions right now and not at all the way I imagined the way it was going to go.  *sigh*  IF you had time to complain, then you could’ve had time to do something about it, I bet that’s exactly what you want to say to me, trust me, I’m saying the same thing to myself.  It’s just that every time I have an idea of what I want to do, I’m afraid to take that first step, simply afraid…it also doesn’t help people whom you think will back you up do NOT support your ideas, saying that it’s crazy, etc, just negative things, it’s very discouraging.  And YES, I know I shouldn’t let what other people say determine the way I live my life, after all, one life’s already too short as it is…I still think in terms of what I “should” do, instead of what I “want” to do…afraid that if I simply followed my gut feelings, I’d fail miserably instead of taking other people’s “advice”.  I wish I’d just wake up one day and do what I want to do, not a care for the crap I’ve been listening to, except the “crap” has pretty much brainwashed me.   I wish I knew exactly what I have the potential to do and be great at it, that’d just make everything so much easier for everyone.  Just now, I feel like I have once again try to digest my thoughts but ended at the beginning again.  Yes, another late night ramble that probably makes little sense to anyone but me…how do I begin…

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~ by yukina2x on October 21, 2009.

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