random thoughts

Today I was a on a long drive with someone, needless to say, we had a lot of time to talk, about anything and everything. Some of the topics are still reeling in my head like stars, making me process them overtime in an attempt to understand them better.

Some things in life are perhaps inevitable: maybe we’re born (if we are so lucky), we may have joys, tears, accidents, experience births and death around us, experience passion, love, heartbreaks, time of healing which may not last long at all before another blow comes…the way we treat others, treated by others, the way we care too much (about perfectly inconsequential things) or not at all (about the things or people we should).

So we touched upon many topics, each of which gave me enough brain juice to last a while. While I’m about to embark on a new path in my life, I feel the definite anxiety and excitement that are natural in these circumstances…I’m also weary of the things good or bad that may come with it. Again, they are inevitable.

We must falter and experience the pain of life to taste the sweetness of it afterwards. We live a society guarded by social standards that box us in certain classes. Even without the supposed social classes, we are still clearly defined. We all find our roles and places in society, we all serve a purpose. Sometimes breaking out is not easy nor encouraged for we are safer in the confines of those restrictions. Are those restrictions necessary? Mayhap…because as much as we hate them, we are also protected by them in certain circumstances.

Some say marriage is a necessity, ways of reproduction, not even recreation (anymore). It is what you do when you feel like you have made something of an accomplishment of yourself, after you tied ends to the wild days of youth, and you feel like two is better than one. Such realistic and even somewhat selfish ways of looking at life seem rather…cruel and scary. Maybe I still try on to the illusion of love and marriage that come hand in hand in a neat basket, in reality I’ve known the untruth of that for a long time now, but I still can’t help but feel lost and betrayed. Something else that’s inevitable…the coming of age and loss of innocence.

I don’t feel revolted by the idea or the institution of marriage, but by the way it’s been treated by people, by the examples people have set up to teach us late comers what a bad idea it is. Any illusion of grandeur has been long dispelled by such actions. It’s hard to let them go…but I don’t think cheating myself out of reality is good either. People say everything change after you are married, which has the connotation of something bad. I sincerely hope not.

It is advisable to lose neither one’s financial freedom nor spiritual freedom after marriage. You cannot entirely rely upon another, therefore you must always retain something of yourself in case things don’t go as planned, you won’t lose yourself. The world survives on balance, a marriage is a perfect example of that. When the scale tips, chaos spread, and eventually order must be restored. No one wants to take on the whole world by him/herself, especially in a marriage.

Again, they are all just advice. When it comes reality, things are rarely so uncomplicated and lucid. Sometimes we survive on instinct alone and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel even when there are red blinking signs directing us to it.


~ by yukina2x on April 2, 2008.

3 Responses to “random thoughts”

  1. Sometimes I really want to share my thoughts like you did with your friend, but I couldn’t find anyone…I realized that so many people always come to me when they had suffered and I will always comfort them. but as soon as they’ve recovered they forgot about me. when I am being struggled with things I felt so lonely and helpless…even though i got many friends I still feel like i have no one..

    -_-..it must feel so werid to find a comment liek this. I asked you about blog layout fews days before, and I found your music blog very good. and I found ur personal blog..i was going to thank you again but then i saw this entry so I just wrote the things you just saw..ahaha srry actually I’m pretty happy person but just ur blog bought me back to when i was struggled~~!!!

    I’m Fullmoon!!!

    and I think your writtings are really beautiful, you must be very educated..-_-..srry i’m still young..

  2. no, it’s not weird at all. I’m glad you shared some of your thoughts , at least I don’t feel so alone. ^^

  3. aggrieved says : I absolutely agree with this !

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