life inside the bubble

you know, it feels good to cry sometimes, get things off your chest, clean things out, etc…but it stills feels terrible afterward, in a different way. My stinging eyes are only part of the testaments of that misery. I had one hell of a day today, actually everything happened in an hour, my life laid out before me in a few dialogues. It’s ironic, almost feels like useless to do anything about it the way it was described, my life feels so trivial compared to the world.  They are right, when it comes down to it, if you up and died tomorrow, a few will remember you and then sometime later you’ll be as transparent as the air that they breathe still.   I don’t know what I can do at this point as everything depends on me, as so many people have harped on.  I will do I can do…plead with life.  I’ll make the best out of it…my mother on the other hand is a basketcase, no amount of explanation will make her understand especially if I’m not up to par with a “bang, bang, bang” series of plan of action.  I feel screwed, as little as I want to admit it. You will say “it’s not the end, there are always ways around it, pull yourself together.” I hear you, but atm it’s very hard to see the end of the road.  In general, I feel crappy.  Physically I feel like a balloon, ready to burst and I see a needle coming my way.

*edit: and my stomach is angry at me too, the whole damn day…I wish I can just empty it right now, unfortunately it does not agree with me

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~ by yukina2x on April 11, 2007.

9 Responses to “life inside the bubble”

  1. hope you feel better! what did you tell your mom you wanted to do?

  2. it’s hard to talk to her, she probably can’t hear me out…

  3. Gee- I’m really sorry… I don’t want to say “it must be an azn thing”, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. Sometimes it eventually works, though you may come out with a sore throat (and in my case, two still equally stubborn mules with frayed tempers)

  4. I’m sorry to hear that things are so tough on you. Wish there was something I could do.

  5. you’re right, I do have to fight it tooth and nail. If that means getting chewed up in the process and then becoming a disappointment, there’s no helping it. I’ve always had a hard time standing up for myself though, something to work on. And then the next step, figuring out what I’m good at…that’ll take some work.

  6. how did it turn out by the way?

  7. how did my life turn out?
    well, not sure if that’s what you’re asking…^^
    but I’ve graduated college successfully, now I have to worry about a job or grad school…ooh, the fun

  8. yeah, was wondering how college turned out. Glad you graduated!!!! Keep the blogs running, theyre awesome!

  9. thank you! 😀

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